Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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