I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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