Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
