Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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