well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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