Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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