ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
