just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish I only lived at night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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