Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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