So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
