If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
