is your mom at the bar?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
