Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up under a house in Key West
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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