Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
