you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
