Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
