Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
