That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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