arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
