3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
