I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
