Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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