listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to fling myself into the sun
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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