I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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