And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
