You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize