I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
