I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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