my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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