So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize