Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
