Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
