Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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