we're blogging at a bar
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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