What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
