He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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