if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
