I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize