HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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