I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize