I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
