I wish I could punch you in the face.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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