If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize