New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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