I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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