Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
