i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize