I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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