he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
