don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize