so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
