There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
