I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
