Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
