She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
