dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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