She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
