I want to make a zoo with you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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