she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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