Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize