her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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