Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize