I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
