People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
