what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
