a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
