I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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