So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
