My hand turned me down
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
