i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
