so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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