You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize