There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
