The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
