so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
