we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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