I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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