Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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