pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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