nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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