We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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