think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my liver is dry heaving
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
