I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
