Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
