I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
