You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
