You work out of a Hotel?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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