So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
