im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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