I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
