Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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