Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
