She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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