Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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