and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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