so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I could make wine with my vomit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
