I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
