I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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