I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
