When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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