Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
