Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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