Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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