we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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