Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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