i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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