Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
